April 8, 2024 – Some people love chatting. I learned this 15 years ago after I moved to a small village in France.
They talked to the bakery owner, to the food seller, to the town hall official and to one another: jokes, gossip, banter. For me, fresh from urban North America, this was inefficient and frustrating.
But it's probably healthy. Talking to strangers may be good for our bodies and minds, science suggests. To name “Vitamin S, for social contacts. This is the term that social psychologists use Paul van LangePhD, and his colleagues at Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam in the Netherlands for the boost we can get from talking to strangers.
“We are social animals and cannot afford to live without social contact,” said Van Lange.
When they're connected, “persons are happier, healthier and live longer,” he said Julianne Holt LunstadPhD, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Brigham Young University in Provo, UT.
“This is well established, although most research has focused on our closest relationships, resembling those with spouses or friends,” he said Gillian SandstromPhD, Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Sussex in the United Kingdom
Many studies have tried to determine what is more important: the quantity or the quality of our relationships. Is it because of how many friends you have or how often you spend time with them?
But “maybe there is a third thing, which is diversity.” Sand stream said. You can contribute to this diversity by connecting with people you know (like your hairdresser or mailman) or even complete strangers (like the man in line next to you at the bakery)., a French bakery).
Proof: A Study 2022 showed that people who have the most different social interactions – Talk not only to relatives and partners, but also to colleagues, customers, classmates and strangers – report better physical health. Another study was conducted in Finnlandfound that people who had a strong network of close relationships but few weaker ties had a 28% higher risk of early death than those who also had contact with acquaintances and strangers.
However, data shows that the amount of time people spend chatting has been declining for at least two decades. In 2003, Americans spent an average of 54 minutes per day interacting with neighbors, acquaintances, coworkers, and the like—but it added up 43 minutes in 2019. And that was Before The pandemic gave many a brand new appreciation for staying and dealing from home.
The benefits of connection
Approaching people we don't know is associated with better mood and a stronger sense of belonging, both predictors of this longer life. It can lift your mood even if you don't like the idea. In an experiment, scientists surveyed commuters about the London public Transit what it would feel like if they had to talk to a stranger. Most said it was awkward and uncomfortable. But the researchers instructed some commuters to do just that: approach a stranger while driving.
To the commuters' surprise, the task was easy and pleasant. In addition, her mood improved. “A conversation can reliably increase people’s happiness levels compared to other things,” he said Juliana Schröder, PhD, a social cognition researcher at the University of California, Berkeley, and author of the study.
Sand stream'S Experiments, meanwhile, showed that talking to a barista can increase a sense of belonging. The researchers recruited people as they approached a Starbucks and then randomly assigned them to two groups: Some were asked to make their interaction with the cashier as efficient as possible (minimal engagement, pay, move on). Others were asked to interact: smile, chat, make eye contact. When surveyed afterwards, those who had made an effort not only felt happier, but also more included in the community.
A growing number of studies are coming to similar conclusions. When commuters were encouraged to talk to them bus driverAt the end they felt happier than before they got on the bus. When university students were asked to do this Compliments to strangers Her feelings also became more positive on campus. In one 2023 study in TurkeyJust greeting a passer-by increased people's life satisfaction.
Such short emotional boosts can lead to better health in the long run. Ample evidence links “positive affect” – the experience of positive emotions – to better health in all areas of life large selection of outcomes including improved cardiovascular health and a stronger immune system.
Recently, Researchers in Germany showed that this positive effect can help protect people from the negative health effects lonliness. In this study, middle-aged and older adults who reported loneliness were partially protected from its harmful effects if they often felt enthusiastic and interested. Alarm, or inspired – feelings you might get when you talk to your bus driver or the shopkeeper. “These little things give us that little touch of connection, the feeling that someone sees us and we're not completely alone,” Sandstrom said.
Some interactions with strangers and acquaintances can have direct, positive effects on our physiology. One study involved participants who were assigned random actions friendliness once a week for 4 weeks, like “pay for someone.”'“The people behind you in line experienced a discount in pro-inflammatory gene expression – which meant they became less prone to inflammation.” Other research shows that smiling helps us Cardiovascular system recover from stress faster. In general, positive social interactions tend to occur weaken the activity the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis – the acute stress reaction of the body.
This friendliness can build on itself: If more people in a neighborhood practice talking to bus drivers, passers-by, and fellow commuters, their entire community can thrive. Communities where residents agree with statements like “Most people on this area are friendly” or “I actually feel like I belong on this area” are likely to be seen fewer hits and a lower one Incidence of diabetes, Studies show. People who live there may be too more likely to get cholesterol tests, mammograms and annual flu shots.
Sometimes it's as easy as looking at the people walking past you and silently acknowledging them instead of looking away. As a result, one Experiment suggestspeople feel more connected.
It's not as hard as you think
If talking to strangers and acquaintances is so health-promoting and feels good, then why do so few people do it? In one Pre-pandemic survey93% of participants said they would avoid speaking to a stranger in the waiting room; 68% would stay to themselves on the plane.
Smartphones could be at least partly to blame. A Study from November 2023 showed that people in a waiting room, deprived of their phones, are more likely to chat with others – and end up feeling happier as a result.
But our reluctance to talk to strangers may run deeper. People “tend to overestimate the risk of these interactions,” says Schroeder, “e.g. B. the likelihood that the other person will reject them.”
When Sand stream and her colleagues ran one Meta-analysis In seven studies, they found that fear of talking to strangers tends to be exaggerated. “When two people discuss with one another, they really underestimate how much the opposite person likes them,” she said. Schroeder's experiments showed that we tend to focus too much on whether we are saying the right thing or using the right words. But what really matters to the other person is the gesture. “People often just appreciate the effort.” Schroeder said.
There is also the mood-enhancing effect of talking to strangers Work for shy people and also introverted people. “It seems like everyone benefits from talking to a stranger, but introverts are more afraid of it.” Sand stream said.
Therefore, researchers recommend that introverts should just try to act more extroverted. In a series of experiments, when Introverts When people were instructed to talk to strangers as if they were extroverts—in a bold, talkative, and energetic way—they ended up having just as much fun as extroverts.
How do you start?
Sand stream admits that it's not easy to overcome people's fear of talking to strangers. “As children, we heard all these messages: Don’t talk to strangers, they’re scary, they’re dangerous,” she said.
Of course, there are some safety concerns that are real. And common sense is important – maybe don’t talk to strangers.”in a dark alley at night”, Van Lange said.
But what seems to work is the repeated revelation: As we approach strangers over and another time, we learn that individuals are generally nice and fun to discuss with.
sand stream and her colleagues designed one Scavenger hunt game by which volunteers needed to repeatedly approach strangers and discuss with them. After per week, participants were less afraid of rejection and far more confident about approaching people they didn't know.
Try just a few tricks should you dare. Put your phone down within the waiting room or while commuting. Or surrender Google Maps and as a substitute – gasp — an actual person. In one experimentPeople who needed to ask strangers for directions found tracking a little bit slower than individuals with smartphones, but felt significantly more socially connected.
At Sandstrom scavenger hunt But within the experiments, one easy piece of recommendation looked as if it would resonate most: “Be brave.” Remember, Sandstrom said, “People like you more than you think.”