We all have our ups and downs in life. Bad things can occur to you or people you realize each day. But there are some individuals who claim it was never their fault. They argue that they don’t have any control over the difficult situations and problems they encounter. It just happens to them on a regular basis.
Victimhood can turn into a part of an individual's identity, nevertheless it is a learned behavior and might be modified. It often develops as a defense mechanism to deal with hostile life events.
People who continuously blame other people or situations for the events of their lives have one Victim mentality.
“It's not my fault.” Someone who acts from the position of victim claims that the blame for the things that occur to them lies with someone or something apart from themselves. It may very well be the fault of the partner, family, colleague, friend or “the way the world is”. They often complain concerning the bad things that occur of their lives. They are reluctant to take personal responsibility and claim that circumstances are beyond their control.
It's not a martyr complex. Victim mentality can sometimes be confused with a martyr complex. They are two similar behaviors, but there are some differences. Victims take things personally. Even if a comment or statement was not directed at them, they’ll still receive it as if it were. “What have I done to deserve this?” is a standard query for them.
On the opposite hand, an individual with a martyr complex will often exit of their approach to tackle additional tasks for other people, even in the event that they don't wish to. They sacrifice themselves for others, but are sometimes upset afterwards.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms. People with a victim mentality have often suffered from trauma or hard times but haven’t developed a healthier approach to cope. As a result, they develop a negative view of life and feel like they don’t have any control over what happens to them. Because they don't think anything is their fault, they’ve little or no sense of responsibility for his or her lives. It just happens to them.
When someone tries to assist or offer solutions, they are sometimes presented with a listing of the explanation why it won't work. People who attempt to help are sometimes frustrated and confused.
Why do people behave this manner? Adapting a victim mentality offers several advantages.
No responsibility. Taking responsibility in your life means you’re in charge. You take responsibility. For someone with a victim mentality, this might be scary. You would must admit that life shouldn’t be just the results of other people's actions. Taking responsibility bursts the protective bubble of victimhood.
Secondary gain. Because of the secondary advantages, some people's problems remain. Sympathy, attention, and access to medication or money are common examples of secondary gain. Someone with a victim mentality may not even realize that they’re receiving these advantages and sometimes feel truly desperate.
Satisfies unconscious needs. People with a victim mentality, especially if it stems from past trauma, subconsciously seek validation and help from others. They consistently play the “poor me” card. This can evoke sympathy and help from others.
Avoid taking risks. Blaming others is a vital a part of the victim mentality. This way you avoid being really vulnerable and taking risks.
It's normal to be dissatisfied in some areas of your life. But it's essential to take a look at the larger picture. If you notice similar patterns in several areas of your life, you’ll have a victim mentality.
The first step to solving an issue is identifying and acknowledging it. Look for these signs in yourself to find out whether you’ll have adopted a victim mentality:
- You blame others for the best way your life is.
- You really think that life is against you.
- You have difficulty coping with problems in your life and feel powerless over them.
- You feel stuck in life and approach things with a negative attitude.
- You feel attacked when someone tries to provide helpful feedback.
- Feeling bad about yourself gives you relief or joy.
- You attract individuals who blame others and complain about their lives.
- You find it difficult to look at yourself and make changes.
Victim mentality is learned behavior.
In other words, it's not something you're born with. It's something you learn in a social environment. It may very well be learned from relations or be the results of trauma. However, you might have the ability to beat it. Get began in the next way.
Take responsibility. You are the just one who controls your actions. You may not have the opportunity to regulate others, but you possibly can control the way you reply to them. You determine who you spend your time with and where. Recognize your potential and take control of your life.
Self-care and compassion. Victim mentalities are unconsciously adopted as a way of coping with past trauma. Be compassionate to yourself as you get well. Practice self-care and self-love. Journaling could be a helpful tool for processing your feelings.
Start saying no. You can say no to something you don't wish to do. It's okay. Even if others feel like you’re letting them down, listen to your energy and prioritize yourself.
Educate yourself. Read books about victim mentality and the way it affects your life. Consider therapy. The more you educate yourself on the subject, the more likely you’re to remain on target along with your recovery and avoid slipping back into your old mindset.